Pefection Distraction

Most days my alarm goes off at 5:30 and its time to tackle a brand new day.  I am supposed to be at work by 8:30.  In order for that to happen, all must run smoothly and on schedule.  This means the girls get out of their bed on their 6:30 wake-up call and they all get ready and eat breakfast, so that we are out the door by 7:25.  There are so many opportunities for distractions that get us off schedule:  meltdowns over the clothes selected the night before, sibling rivalry, bathroom accidents, split milk, slow pokes, meltdown over the fact that we are out of a certain kind of cereal, lies about whether we brushed our teeth or not, missing library books, meltdown over absolutely nothing, and the list could go on.  Today was not one of those mornings, everything went great at home, distractions were at a minimum, smiles were on faces, and big girls were dropped off at 7:35 and Kate was dropped off at 8:00, and barring no traffic issues I am good to go to get to work on time (and as you will see later the perfectionist in me needs to be on time).

All smiles this morning!  Distraction free.....

Traffic is always a factor.  Yesterday it was slow and heavy mostly from rain, sometimes it is slow and heavy because of accidents, but not today, traffic was running smooth.  And then there are the trains.  My commute takes me through two railroad crossings and it seems that the trains always run at different times.  Today was a two train day.  I first got caught in Belmont and then again on Sugar Creek.  A smooth morning derailed and brought to a sudden halt!  Distraction at the max and totally out of my control. 

This week we journey toward the cross where we experience God’s unconditional love.  There are so many things on this journey that distract us and bring us to a sudden stop.  Lent has been a time for discerning the distractions that most often afflict us.  Distractions like doubt, fear, insecurity, and worry.  For me the biggest distraction of all is perfectionism. 

When I strive for perfection, I always find myself falling short.  It distracts me and moves my focus from God to myself.  The past 6 weeks have been all about reflecting on God’s love for me.  1 John 4:18 says “There is no fear in love and perfect love drives out fear.”  God’s love is perfect love.  God’s love offers life and drives out fear.  My Lenten journey has reminded me to accept the love God has for me.  God’s love is complete and perfect and desires a relationship with me just as I am.  God’s love drives out fear and frees me to love others.  Perfectionism and fear tells me that I am not good enough, smart enough, attractive enough, and the list could go on.  Once Lent is over, perfectionism will continue to distract me, and I will continue to reflect on God’s love as I seek to love others.  God invites me (and all of us) to be perfected in love. 

Never Stop Dancing

Two years ago I put tap shoes on again.  The studio where Ella and Mattie dance offers an adult tap class.  The girls encouraged me to take the class and I couldn’t resist the “mommy” pressure, so I agreed to give it a try.  It had been about 20 years since I had last tapped.  Amazingly, those skills came right back, and I once again fell in love with dance. 

In my first tap dance, my classmates and I wore purple and white tutu costumes and danced to a song about cotton candy and toy balloon.  Over the years, I tapped to Big Fun and my favorite solo was to Do You Love Me?.   I will never forget the day when I was in about 5^th grade and our parents were invited to watch all we had learned.  I was doing the buffalo step across the floor when my tap shoe when flying into the audience.  I was so embarrassed, but I never stopped dancing.  Our teacher had always told us that regardless of what happens, you keep dancing. 

Adding tap back into my life has been so refreshing for my soul.  It is part of my weekly routine that is restorative and life-giving.  My life happens at such a fast pace and is filled with many tasks and to-dos that I long for Thursday nights.  I know the importance of self-care and keeping Sabbath and I have struggled to maintain this in my daily life.  Pastoral ministry is often a 24-7 responsibility.  As a person driven by tasks and meeting the needs of others, I had to learn about maintaining boundaries of self care.  Early in my ministry, the senior pastor I was working with gave me a book entitled Sabbath:  Finding Rest, Renewal and Delight in Our Busy Lives by Wayne Muller.  This book challenged me to think of Sabbath in creative ways.   Muller did not limit Sabbath practice to a seven-day pattern where one spends an entire day of rest.  Instead, he encourages readers to create their own uniquely suitable Sabbath practices--daily, weekly or according to some other pattern.  Tap has become a Sabbath practice for me.  Muller’s book opened up the possibility for me that a whole day of rest might not be possible every week, yet practices of Sabbath each week were essential for surviving life.  This year my adult class is dancing to I Will Survive.   Sabbath and tap are essential for my survival and for that reason, I will never stop dancing. 

 

In the World

It happened on Monday!  Ella said “you look cute mom!”  I was feeling a little self-conscious about what I was wearing, so I responded “you think this looks okay?”  “Yes, mom, I love it!”  So, now I am seeking fashion advice from my 7-year old diva in the making

I am a lover of cute clothes, jewelry, and shoes.  I love to shop especially when I can find a good bargain.  I remember struggling with this when I accepted my call to ministry.  How could I possibly balance Jesus’ call to give to the poor and maintain my sense of fashion and shopping hobby?   I could not deny these things about myself, they are part of Sally.  A call to ordination was not synonymous with unfashionable, out of touch, dull, and boring.  In fact, just the opposite, the best way to live into my calling is to allow the Sally that God created to become the person that God was calling. 

My love for Jesus calls me to live in the world without being of the world.  I like to think this Is a good witness. I deeply desire for the Sally in the pulpit to be the Sally in the grocery store, at the PTO meeting, and in the office.  For me, to genuinely answer God’s call, I offer all of who I am to the transforming love of God.  Above all else, I love God and God’s people.  And I love long necklaces, scarves, and, Alex and Ani silver bangles.  My open toe wedges look best with OPI Red toe nail polish.  And spending a day walking around the mall, TJ Maxx, or Target does my soul good, especially if that day is spent with my mama hunting a good deal.  These loves of mine are not a matter of vanity.  These loves are a matter of authenticity. 

Life is Ever Changing

One of my favorite benedictions to offer at the end of worship goes something like this:

“Friends, I do not know what life will offer any of us during the upcoming week, but I do know that whatever happens God is with us.  So, may the love of God, the grace of Jesus Christ and the strength and power of the Holy Spirit sustain you as you go in peace.” 

Today we all dressed in green and celebrated a day named after a 5^th Century minister named St. Patrick.  His ministry is well remembered through what has come to be known as his breastplate or his prayer.  These words capture the truth of the incarnation. 

Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,

This prayer reminds readers that the word was made flesh and dwells among us and assures us that in life we are not alone.  Life is an ever changing mystery and God in Christ is an ever present constant at work in the lives of humankind. 

On the day my dad looked at me and told me, “I have cancer and it is aggressive,” on the day that my water broke and I was only 28 weeks into my pregnancy with Ella and Mattie, and on the day my grandfather fell through a roof at his church and was killed instantly, God was present.  On the day I headed off to Russia to live with a host family my junior year of high school, on the day I held a healthy 8.9 ounce little girl named Kate, and on a day like today that was pretty normal, God was present.  Life is ever changing and God in Christ is ever present.

 

 

 

 

 

Living in the Present

Sometimes life happens, plans change, and focus gets diverted to something more immediate.  In this case it was the stomach bug.  Details are not necessary.  Just remember that the time change is a big enough adjustment to the schedule of two, 7-year olds, a 2 ½ year old, a 37 and 39 year old.  In the midst of this time adjustment, you add a dental procedure for a beloved 10-year old shih tzu resulting in the loss of most his teeth AND well…..life went into maintenance mode.  It should also be noted that kids bounce back from stomach bugs faster than mommies.  I was wiped out!

In maintenance mode, my focus becomes on the most immediate needs.  A sick child, dirty linens, sanitized hands, and rest.  The lengthy “to-do” list is put on hold and I quickly find myself living in the moment.  Typically, “in the moment” is a hard place for me to find myself.  I like to execute my well, planned calendar blocks and weekly menus.  I like control, order, structure, and routine.  But throw-up is a sure way to get me in the moment. 

Jesus speaks of living in the moment when he encourages followers to replace worry with seeking God’s kingdom.  Jesus asks, “Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?”  This rhetorical question reminds me that we all operate with the same number of daily hours and that focusing on my plan will not lengthen my life and it could very well inhibit my life because it keeps me looking towards the next moment and not appreciating the present. 

Don’t get me wrong I don’t like throw-up and don’t like the lesson it teaches me, but like nothing else, IT forces me into the present.  I spent last week living in the present.  I do not believe God gave us the stomach virus to teach me this lesson, rather I believe that through it I was reminded and that perhaps my present reminder was part of my Lenten journey this year.  To see that my schedule sometimes gets in the way and diverts my attention away from seeking God’s kingdom.  In fact, maybe control is just the place where I need to let go. 

Never Underestimate the Power of God

“Never underestimate the power of God.”  I have both heard and said that phrase many times.  I experienced this reminder earlier today through a text from a friend.  She had just arrived at the doctor’s office for a test and was feeling nervous.  There hanging on the wall in the waiting room were pictures of two little girls she had once cared for and continues to love. 

I would never have imagined when I took Ella and Mattie to have 5 year old portraits made at McNeilly’s photography that the portrait would become a vehicle through which God reminds people of God’s presence.  I simply wanted to capture the childlike beauty of my girls at age 5.  Those portraits were my Christmas gift in 2012 and will be a lifelong treasure.  McNeilly’s chose to place a copy in a doctor’s office where they hang as a decoration.  Never underestimate the power of God or the many ways God works in our lives.  To some the portraits are just that a portrait of a set of twins and to others those portraits have bought comfort, smiles, and God’s presence.  Lesson learned.

It is Good

This week my Lenten devotions by Jan Richardson have focused on bodies.  We have physical bodies that were created in God’s image and are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14) and God’s great love for humanity came in bodily form as “the word became flesh and dwelt among us” (John 1:14).   As followers of Christ, we continue to celebrate the body as we share the broken bread and poured out wine, so that we can become the body of Christ for the world. 

The truth is I don’t like my body.  I have always struggled with this.  I don’t like to wear sleeveless shirts because I don’t like my arms.  My calves are big and muscular, so I have to buy extended calf or “fat calf boots.”  My face is round.  My feet are short and wide.   And the list could go on.  There are so many physical changes that I would make to my body.  And yet I know that my body is a gift.  I am healthy.  I can move easily and freely.  I do not experience daily physical pain.  My body is a gift.  My life is a gift. 

We live in a culture that defines that proper body type through the tight fitting clothes that are sold, the models in advertisements, and the obsession on weight loss programs and products.  Our culture says that only one body type is desirable.  I live in the midst of these messages.  Theologically, I want to honor my physicality as a gift from God that was created in God’s own image and was called good.  Culturally, I hear that my body is not good enough.  I live in that tension.    And I struggle.  In my head, I can say “I am a beautiful creation of a creative and life giving God” and then, I look into the mirror and see the flaws. 

 My life is so much more than my physical nature and yet my body is of value.  Biologically, I appreciate the intricate design of our physical bodies, and so I can say that humanity is fearfully and wonderfully made.  Ella and Mattie were born 11 weeks early.  Kevin was able to take a picture of them in the operating room before they rushed the off to the NICU.  The picture showed them in all their “rawness.”  They were tiny and fragile.  Their skin coloring was not a normal healthy pink.  Ella was all bruised from spending 3 days in the birth canal since my water had broken.  Mattie was so scrawny that you could practically count her ribs.  And yet, they were (and are) beautiful!  They are fearfully and wonderfully made.  I looked at them and saw the beauty of God, and it was good.  I am asking God to give me the eyes of grace when I look at myself, so that I can claim it as good.