Let me be full, let me be empty.

 

Ella and Mattie turned 7 on Saturday complete with a Disco Dancing Queen party.  And today was the start of 1^st grade.  It is our first time in different classes.  To say that life has been full to overflowing the last few days is an understatement. 

I remember how life felt very empty 7 years ago.  I had given birth to two babies, 11 weeks early.  Mattie entered the world weighing 2.6 lbs and Ella weighed all of 3.2 lbs.  Our NICU journey was just beginning.  It was uncertain what that journey would look like.  For the days that followed their birth, I was in a hospital bed far away from the NICU.  I was on the hall with other new parents.  I could hear babies’ crying.  My girls were in isolettes in a big room filled with beeping monitors, lots of machines, and medical staff buzzing around from baby to baby.  I was at one of the lowest moments as I faced being discharged and had not even had the chance to hold my girls.  Sure I had touched their hand, but I just wanted to hold them in my arms.

Andi, our fabulous NP, sensed my emptiness and said, “this mama needs her babies and they need their mama.”  I got to hold Ella and Mattie for the first time and I got to hold them at the same time.  I was full!  My cup was overflowing.  What a gift!   

Yesterday in worship, we were reminded of the Wesley Covenant prayer.  The phrase “Let me be full, let me be empty” really resonated with me.  I know the feeling of being full to overflowing and I know the feeling of being empty and down to nothing.  What remains constant is that life belongs to God.