The Perfect Family Portrait

Several weeks ago our family of 5 took a picture.  I have seen the proofs and selected just the right one to be used for our Christmas card because we are all smiling and looking in the same direction.  Recipients of the card might think, “Wow!  What a perfect little family.”  The picture is perfect.  It captures that moment in time when all was well at the Queen house.  No one was yelling, screaming, crying, or pouting.  Everyone was keeping their hands to themselves.  Everyone had on clean and pressed, color coordinated clothes and our hair was fixed, my make-up was fresh and the girls’ faces were clean.  The picture creates a false sense of the reality of our lives.   Most of the time we are not put together and at least one of us has an attitude that is out of sorts.  Our lives are far from perfection.    

 

 I imagine if we had taken a picture of the birth of the Christ Child, we would try to capture something like the live nativity scenes we recreate annually at our churches.  Our picture would have a clean stable where a young woman draped in blue cloth gently rocks her baby and a man stands gazing at the beauty of his newborn child.  For that moment in time, the shepherds would bow down and the animals would be quiet and still.  It would be just as we sing in the beloved carol, “The cattle are lowing, the baby awakes, but little Lord Jesus, no crying he makes.”[1]  It would be another perfect picture.  This kind of snapshot would not show that the Christ Child entered the world to unwed parents, his first bed was feeding trough, and his life was in danger shortly after his arrival.  The real picture of the birth narrative would far from the image pageants recreate yearly, and yet the reality is that perfection was born that Silent Night.  Emmanuel, God with us, was born; the living, breathing expression of God entered our world in the form of a tiny baby.  A perfect God came into an imperfect world.   

The image of our world then and now is a messy, dirty picture filled with blood, lies, and pain.  Young girls are victims of human trafficking, innocent lives are taken in mass shootings, terrorists threaten our sense of security, addiction and abuse ruin the home lives of children, infidelity leaves spouses alone and hurt, and many, too many to count, go to sleep on empty stomachs without a covering over their heads.  This real life picture is too painful to capture and would never find its way on the cover of a Shutterfly or Vista Print Card.  This image forces us to sing, “O Come, O Come Emmanuel.” 

God in Christ was born to redeem this picture by saving a broken world and taking our mess and junk and transforming us into something beautiful and wonderful.  This year as Christmas Cards are sent and received, perhaps our attempts at perfection embody the truth of the incarnation.  God IS with us.  Perfection has come.  We can smile because we can have faith to live life unafraid.  We can appear we have it all together because we embrace hope, long for peace, and journey towards Christian perfection.  We can laugh and love and share joy because God IS with us and we are not alone.  We can live in the image of our world and know “unto [us] is born this day a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.”[2]

 

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[1] Away In a Manger

[2] Luke 2:11

Precious Honored and Loved

Precious Honored and Loved

Isaiah 43: 1-7 paints a beautiful picture of God.  The prophet repeats his message of God’s protection:  “do not fear for I have redeemed you.”  “Do not fear, for I am with you.” “When you walk through the waters I will be with you.”  He describes God’s compassion: I have “created you” and “I have called you by name, you are mine” and expresses God’s love:  “you are precious in my sight and honored and I love you.”  Isaiah further declares that God is both creator and redeemer even calling God “savior.”  These profound and memorable words were written to an exiled people hoping to offer them comfort.

                Last Thursday, my girls and I helped serve dinner and visit with guests who were living at our church for the week.  As we drove home, my 8 year old twins had many questions.  Why is someone homeless?  Will they always be homeless?  How much money does it take to buy a house?  Where will they go next?  Does all their stuff really fit in those Rubbermaid tubs?  Why didn’t we give them any money?  Such deep and thought provoking questions.  I am reminded of our car conversation as I read some of the latest news from the Vatican where Pope Francis has decided that the Vatican is taking in two families of refuges.  Pope Francis declares that “It is not enough to say “Have courage, hang in there,’ but rather he pleads for churches and Christians to follow his lead and offer a home to those in exile.[1]  In other words, it seems he is urging the church to put love, compassion and justice into action.

                I wonder if one of the greatest challenge for Christ followers is to actually embody the picture of God painted through the words of Isaiah 43.  We find comfort in those words and yet they should equally challenge us to become those words for the world. Embodiment will move us beyond a gentle pat on the back and “hang in there.”  When we embody these words, all will know they are precious, honored, and loved.  Just as the prophet Isaiah spoke to those in exile, may our hearts be nudged to develop relationships with the homeless, the immigrants, and the refugees among us to offer them the same promises of God.   

                Before all the questions on the ride home, Mattie had tried to encourage a 5-year old boy telling him not to cry, offering to play football with him or asking if he wanted another piece of garlic bread.  When she realized that all of her ideas did not help him to feel better and that perhaps he just needed to cry; she simply sat with him.  She didn’t say a word.  She didn’t say “hang in there” or “it is going to be ok.”  She just sat.  He cried and she sat.  He was precious, honored, and loved through the huge heart of an 8-year old girl who has never had to want for anything.  My response on the way home that night was that our job was to provide dinner and visit with our new friends to remind them that they are loved and not alone.  Mattie had done that and through her I caught a momentary glimpse of the Kingdom of God breaking into this world. 

 

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[1] http://news.nationalpost.com/news/world/pope-francis-takes-in-two-migrant-families-at-vatican-calls-on-churches-all-over-the-world-to-follow-suit

Lists

I love to make lists!  I most often have a to-do list in hand, on my phone, and stuck on the side of the fridge.  The list keeps me motivated and organized.  It keeps me on task and helps to make sure I don’t forget something important.  These lists are for me.  They are not meant to be shared or even understand by another person. 

One of the most hurtful days in my life happened the spring of my junior year of high school.  I had decided to run for student body president and found myself running unopposed.  I walked into school one morning, to find friends and classmates signing a petition to add another name to the ballot.  Each class I walked into that day, I was confronted with people passing the petition, and I heard the whispers as more and more names were added to the list.

I think of other lists:  the roster of those who made the team or an invitation list for a party.  These lists include those who are in and those who are out.  As I think about these kinds of lists, I remember the joy and excitement of making the list and the heartache of being excluded.   As Christ followers, we are called to let go of the security of our lists and go into the streets to make sure the invitation spans as far and wide as possible.  We have a responsibility to make sure that all perspectives are represented, to ensure that all are heard and have voice, and to make room for everyone around the table. 

The last few days I have seen several lists that appear to divide and promote an agenda.  I love the United Methodist Church, and I believe in our polity.  My prayer is that as Western North Carolina prepares to vote for clergy and lay delegates to represent our conference at our world-wide decision making event in 2016, that we will seek inspiration from the Holy Spirit and allow God to call forth our delegation.  Ultimately, I hope that God’s list will become our list.   

So Many Questions

Life is filled with questions.  I was told once that a 4 year old child asks an average of 437 questions a day.  At that time the Queen house had twin four year olds, and I remember saying to the person, “I can believe it, and we have it times two.”  874 questions a day…. is a lot of questions!  

 

Just as life is filled with questions, so is God’s word.  The first question in the whole Bible occurs as God walks through the Garden searching for Adam and Eve and asks, “Where are you?”  This frequently asked question is echoed throughout scripture where it seems humanity is the object of divine attention.  In the New Testament, Mary and Joseph search for Jesus and Jesus responds with a question/answer, “Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s House?”  Perhaps the ultimate answer to this biblical question is that we have already been found. 

As Wesleyans we would do well to remember that we don’t just go out and find God.  God always finds us first.  Whether we have done right or wrong, there is no end to God’s seeking us in love.  Questions are the start of a genuine conversation with the Creator.  Our conversation with God does not start from scratch. God has already begun it. We just need to plug into the conversation that is already going on.  God asks: 

Who do you say I AM?

            Do you love more than these?

            Do you want to be well?

            Why do you worry? 

My friend Dianne tells a story of getting lost in a large department store.  As her mother looked at rack after rack of dresses, Dianne wandered out of her mother’s sight, or at least she thought.  Dianne walked to a sales clerk and told the woman.  “I am lost.  I can’t find my mother.”  The nice clerk called her mom’s name over the intercom and her mother came running, wrapping her arms around Dianne, picking her up and hugging her.  “I have been searching all over for you.  And I wasn’t going to stop until you were safe in my arms.” 

The good news for us is that God is searching and pursuing us in much the same way.  In the chaos of life, we are invited to remember, to respond, and to rest knowing we have already been found.  Across North Carolina many children are in the midst End of Grade and End of Course testing.  Teachers are overwhelmed with the assessments and students are anxious about knowing the right answer.  I know many United Methodist clergy and lay persons who will enter this environment to serve as proctors, and I pray their presence conveys the ultimate answer to any question.  Immanuel is here.  God is with us.  We have been found. 

 

A Letter to an 80 Year Old

Dearest Therry Dawn,

I am honored to have been asked to write a letter to you as you celebrate this milestone; your 80^th birthday.  You asked me to share from my perspective, “how to spend the remaining years of your life.”   Please receive these reflections as my hopes for you.

At this point in my life, I wonder what it might be like to be 80, and I am hopeful freedom comes with age.  I am 37.   I am an ordained clergy woman in the United Methodist Church working full-time serving in a leadership position on our conference staff.  I am the mother of 3 beautiful girls:  7 year old twins and a 2 ½ year old.  I am the PTO president.  I am a dedicated volunteer teaching Sunday school, volunteering in the children’s ministry, and preaching or leading in worship when colleagues need a break.  Most of my days begin at 5:30 AM and each moment is well planned and scheduled.  I feel the pressure of time trying to get my tasks accomplished and enjoy my family as much as possible.  I constantly seek balance where I aim for success and advancement in my career while maintaining devotion and time for my family.  I imagine that at 80, the pressure for career success will no longer be a priority.  I long for the day, when I can sit a little longer with a diet coke in my hand and soak in the beauty of God’s creation.  I imagine the morning, when I no longer set an alarm clock and feel freed to stay up until midnight, as you do, because the morning doesn’t have to be so hurried and rushed.  My hope for you is that you take hold of the freedom your stage of life offers, so that your days may be filled with life-giving moments.  I hope you will fill the time with the activities you enjoy and that you will travel to the places of your dreams.  I hope you embrace time as a gift that provides you experiences and memories. 

I hope that as you approach the rest of your life, you will not succumb to the feeling that “there is nothing else that I can give to this world.”  You still have plenty to offer.  In 2011, the late Maya Angelou posted on her Facebook page,

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style." 

Angelou was 83 when she wrote this mission statement.  I believe this statement showed her intentionality towards not succumbing to the thought that her life was over, rather she embraced that there was much life still to be lived.  I hope you will find ways to thrive with passion, compassion, humor, and style.  I hope you will continue to offer service to our world giving of yourself to the social causes that you are passionate about and that you will remain a faithful member of your prayer group (which I understand you have been part of for over 30 years).  I hope you will offer compassion and love to all you encounter and that you love the least, last and lost you encounter at places like the soup kitchen where you go to serve each Tuesday.  I hope you will laugh at yourself and at the trivialities of life.  A former parishioner who was well into her 80s called all the members of the church on their birthday.  She even continued to call me, her former pastor, on my birthday.  I looked forward to this birthday call, where her sweet voice would tell me how much she loved me and how much she celebrated my life.  I asked her about these calls and she responded, “There is very little I can do for my church, but I can pick-up my phone and make calls.”  Her birthday calls were a passionate offering of love to the world.  To her the phone call seemed insignificant, but on my most recent birthday it was greatly missed as she has now joined the church triumphant. My hope for you is to offer the world yourself, your gifts, and your passion.  Let it become your mission.

I imagine that as you turn 80, you find yourself looking back in reflection.  I hope as you look back, you do so with a deep sense of gratitude for all that life has offered.  Celebrate where you have been and what you have done and quickly pass over those times of disappointment or regret.  I am very aware that your 80 years of life tell many stories and those stories are held in the recesses of your heart and mind.  Perhaps you will consider putting them into writing or sitting with a recorder nearby, so that generations to come may have access to the stories.  You told me recently, how my great-grandmother and other women from our family were woman before their time thinking and talking of theology.  You shared how my grandmother and her twin sister graduated high school different years but both as valedictorian.  I want to know stories, such as this, and I hope you will spend your final years bringing those stories to life in writing or recording.  I imagine this will be a challenge you will enjoy as I know your love for history, genealogy and story.  Though we may seem uninterested at times, please do not grow weary in passing-on the narrative of your life.      

I imagine that as you look towards the remaining years of your life, you become more grateful for the people God has allowed you to know and love in life.  In these years ahead, spend your time with them.  Spend quality time with them and make sure they know how much you love them and open your ears to hear their love in return.  Today’s celebration is a great starting place.  You have gathered those you love in one place to celebrate life and the gift that you are to one another.  May these celebrations continue!  As you reflect over the people in your life, if you should think of someone you have hurt or have been hurt by, I pray that you will seek reconciliation.  May your years not be spent harboring resentment, but may you be freed to love as you are surrounded by the people you love.  I am sure you will reflect on those who have gone before you and now have received their eternal reward.  May their lives continue to live in you and may you find comfort in remembering that you will meet again.   

My final hope for you is found in the one who knit you together in your mother’s womb, who promises to never leave or forsake you, who knows the very number of hairs on your head, and who loves you with an unconditional and eternal love.  I hope that as you look towards the last years of your life, that you will continue to stay in love with God.   We cannot predict what life might offer, and yet we can trust that God will be with us.  Your faith in God has sustained you throughout these 80 years, and I trust that it will sustain you in the days and years ahead.  Today we give God thanks for your life and for the privilege it is to share this journey with you.  I regret that the busy nature of my own life prevented me from celebrating in person, but I hope you receive my words as a token of my love and a sign of gratitude for your life. 

May the Lord bless you and keep you. 

May the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you. 

May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. 

Amen and Happy Birthday!

Abundant Life

Jane got the last laugh!  She entered the church triumphant on April 1, 1998 after courageously fighting a battle with cancer.   She loved life and lived it to the fullest.  She could balance a spoon on her nose, tell funny jokes, make others laugh, and she could light up any room with her infectious smile and storytelling ability.  Jane could laugh at herself with she did something stupid.  She made strangers feel like friends and was always willing to entertain and share a Cheerwine and popcorn with anybody who stopped by house.  She loved to give gifts and let people “shop” in her Avon closet.  She always had a song on her heart and played the piano with skill and grace.  Above all else she loved Jesus and freely shared his love with all.

The doctors called our family to come to the hospital.  Treatments were no longer effective and there was nothing else they could do.  They said it was the end and that we should come.  I drove to the hospital with some dear friends that night with a sad heart and was greeted by Jane hosting a party in her hospital room.  There was singing.  There were snacks.  There were prayers and there were tears.  “I guess we are all here waiting for me to die,” she said.  She later asked my mom, “What did you pack to wear to my funeral?”  The life of the party was looking death square in the face with love, light and laughter.   Jane lived several months after that night and we all experienced the pain of multiple goodbyes as we watched a person with so much life try desperately to hold onto to the abundance of this life.  We talk about the pain and sorrows of this world and Jane knew those full well, and yet she loved life, she loved her church, she loved her friends, and she loved this world.  In her heart, she knew the best was yet to come and yet for her it couldn’t get much better as she fully lived each day.

Jane was like a second mother figure to me.  I was her only niece and the “apple of her eye.”  We had so much fun together and I have so many wonderful memories of travels, adventures, shopping, and bedtime stories.  Her life and death profoundly impacted my call to ministry.  I learned how to live, how to follow Jesus, and how to face death.  There are so many days I long to sit and talk with my Aunt Jane.  She had attended a seminary and experienced a call to ministry.  Her denomination did not ordain women, but actively lived out her call in the life of the church.  As I live out my call to ordained ministry, I also live out Jane’s calling.  I am able to stand in pulpits and boldly proclaim God’s word in places the church said she could not go.

April Fool’s Day will always remind me of Jane.  She did have the last laugh as she made her passage from one side of eternity to the next.  Her life and her laugh live on both in my heart, in my life, and in my child Mattie Jane (who by the way is the only person in our household who can balance a spoon on her nose).

Pefection Distraction

Most days my alarm goes off at 5:30 and its time to tackle a brand new day.  I am supposed to be at work by 8:30.  In order for that to happen, all must run smoothly and on schedule.  This means the girls get out of their bed on their 6:30 wake-up call and they all get ready and eat breakfast, so that we are out the door by 7:25.  There are so many opportunities for distractions that get us off schedule:  meltdowns over the clothes selected the night before, sibling rivalry, bathroom accidents, split milk, slow pokes, meltdown over the fact that we are out of a certain kind of cereal, lies about whether we brushed our teeth or not, missing library books, meltdown over absolutely nothing, and the list could go on.  Today was not one of those mornings, everything went great at home, distractions were at a minimum, smiles were on faces, and big girls were dropped off at 7:35 and Kate was dropped off at 8:00, and barring no traffic issues I am good to go to get to work on time (and as you will see later the perfectionist in me needs to be on time).

All smiles this morning!  Distraction free.....

Traffic is always a factor.  Yesterday it was slow and heavy mostly from rain, sometimes it is slow and heavy because of accidents, but not today, traffic was running smooth.  And then there are the trains.  My commute takes me through two railroad crossings and it seems that the trains always run at different times.  Today was a two train day.  I first got caught in Belmont and then again on Sugar Creek.  A smooth morning derailed and brought to a sudden halt!  Distraction at the max and totally out of my control. 

This week we journey toward the cross where we experience God’s unconditional love.  There are so many things on this journey that distract us and bring us to a sudden stop.  Lent has been a time for discerning the distractions that most often afflict us.  Distractions like doubt, fear, insecurity, and worry.  For me the biggest distraction of all is perfectionism. 

When I strive for perfection, I always find myself falling short.  It distracts me and moves my focus from God to myself.  The past 6 weeks have been all about reflecting on God’s love for me.  1 John 4:18 says “There is no fear in love and perfect love drives out fear.”  God’s love is perfect love.  God’s love offers life and drives out fear.  My Lenten journey has reminded me to accept the love God has for me.  God’s love is complete and perfect and desires a relationship with me just as I am.  God’s love drives out fear and frees me to love others.  Perfectionism and fear tells me that I am not good enough, smart enough, attractive enough, and the list could go on.  Once Lent is over, perfectionism will continue to distract me, and I will continue to reflect on God’s love as I seek to love others.  God invites me (and all of us) to be perfected in love. 

Never Stop Dancing

Two years ago I put tap shoes on again.  The studio where Ella and Mattie dance offers an adult tap class.  The girls encouraged me to take the class and I couldn’t resist the “mommy” pressure, so I agreed to give it a try.  It had been about 20 years since I had last tapped.  Amazingly, those skills came right back, and I once again fell in love with dance. 

In my first tap dance, my classmates and I wore purple and white tutu costumes and danced to a song about cotton candy and toy balloon.  Over the years, I tapped to Big Fun and my favorite solo was to Do You Love Me?.   I will never forget the day when I was in about 5^th grade and our parents were invited to watch all we had learned.  I was doing the buffalo step across the floor when my tap shoe when flying into the audience.  I was so embarrassed, but I never stopped dancing.  Our teacher had always told us that regardless of what happens, you keep dancing. 

Adding tap back into my life has been so refreshing for my soul.  It is part of my weekly routine that is restorative and life-giving.  My life happens at such a fast pace and is filled with many tasks and to-dos that I long for Thursday nights.  I know the importance of self-care and keeping Sabbath and I have struggled to maintain this in my daily life.  Pastoral ministry is often a 24-7 responsibility.  As a person driven by tasks and meeting the needs of others, I had to learn about maintaining boundaries of self care.  Early in my ministry, the senior pastor I was working with gave me a book entitled Sabbath:  Finding Rest, Renewal and Delight in Our Busy Lives by Wayne Muller.  This book challenged me to think of Sabbath in creative ways.   Muller did not limit Sabbath practice to a seven-day pattern where one spends an entire day of rest.  Instead, he encourages readers to create their own uniquely suitable Sabbath practices--daily, weekly or according to some other pattern.  Tap has become a Sabbath practice for me.  Muller’s book opened up the possibility for me that a whole day of rest might not be possible every week, yet practices of Sabbath each week were essential for surviving life.  This year my adult class is dancing to I Will Survive.   Sabbath and tap are essential for my survival and for that reason, I will never stop dancing. 

 

In the World

It happened on Monday!  Ella said “you look cute mom!”  I was feeling a little self-conscious about what I was wearing, so I responded “you think this looks okay?”  “Yes, mom, I love it!”  So, now I am seeking fashion advice from my 7-year old diva in the making

I am a lover of cute clothes, jewelry, and shoes.  I love to shop especially when I can find a good bargain.  I remember struggling with this when I accepted my call to ministry.  How could I possibly balance Jesus’ call to give to the poor and maintain my sense of fashion and shopping hobby?   I could not deny these things about myself, they are part of Sally.  A call to ordination was not synonymous with unfashionable, out of touch, dull, and boring.  In fact, just the opposite, the best way to live into my calling is to allow the Sally that God created to become the person that God was calling. 

My love for Jesus calls me to live in the world without being of the world.  I like to think this Is a good witness. I deeply desire for the Sally in the pulpit to be the Sally in the grocery store, at the PTO meeting, and in the office.  For me, to genuinely answer God’s call, I offer all of who I am to the transforming love of God.  Above all else, I love God and God’s people.  And I love long necklaces, scarves, and, Alex and Ani silver bangles.  My open toe wedges look best with OPI Red toe nail polish.  And spending a day walking around the mall, TJ Maxx, or Target does my soul good, especially if that day is spent with my mama hunting a good deal.  These loves of mine are not a matter of vanity.  These loves are a matter of authenticity. 

Life is Ever Changing

One of my favorite benedictions to offer at the end of worship goes something like this:

“Friends, I do not know what life will offer any of us during the upcoming week, but I do know that whatever happens God is with us.  So, may the love of God, the grace of Jesus Christ and the strength and power of the Holy Spirit sustain you as you go in peace.” 

Today we all dressed in green and celebrated a day named after a 5^th Century minister named St. Patrick.  His ministry is well remembered through what has come to be known as his breastplate or his prayer.  These words capture the truth of the incarnation. 

Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,

This prayer reminds readers that the word was made flesh and dwells among us and assures us that in life we are not alone.  Life is an ever changing mystery and God in Christ is an ever present constant at work in the lives of humankind. 

On the day my dad looked at me and told me, “I have cancer and it is aggressive,” on the day that my water broke and I was only 28 weeks into my pregnancy with Ella and Mattie, and on the day my grandfather fell through a roof at his church and was killed instantly, God was present.  On the day I headed off to Russia to live with a host family my junior year of high school, on the day I held a healthy 8.9 ounce little girl named Kate, and on a day like today that was pretty normal, God was present.  Life is ever changing and God in Christ is ever present.