Called Home

Tomorrow morning, I head home to see my family, sleep in my bed, and return to the work to which I am called.  I remember telling Bishop Goodpaster that I hoped I would still love the church after two weeks of General Conference.  Being a first timer has been eye opening, tiring, and heart breaking and it has been engaging and inspiring.  As much as the legislation seems to drag along and the differing points of view seem to abound, the spirit of God is at work through the church I call my home.    

I celebrate the mission and ministry that the United Methodist Church is engaged in throughout the world especially in regards to the Imagine No Malaria campaign that has helped to drastically reduce the number of children who die from malaria.  I celebrate all the deaconesses, home missioners, and missionaries we have been commissioned for life giving ministry to our hurting world.  I celebrate the social justice actions that our church stands for and represents.  I celebrate the clergy and laity who give of their time to serve and to lead our church.  I celebrate that I was here to celebrate the 60 year anniversary of full clergy rites to women.  I celebrate that General Conference gifted our bishops the chance to speak and lead and I celebrate that we took a step toward maintaining unity.  I celebrate that folks from different perspectives will be brought to the table to talk, listen, and discern the future of our church. 

For me, this step is one of hope and possibility.  Many fear that this may be the end of the middle and that our church will ultimately divide.  What comes to my mind when thinking about division is one of the most insightful words I heard a person say as they contemplated separation in their marriage after a hurtful action.  The person said, “I cannot make the decision from a place of bitterness and must press on until my decision can be made from a place of love.”  I pray that our step at this General Conference will be time for us to trust, pray and breathe, so that our decision for the future can be made out of love.  Many are critiquing saying we have done nothing and are leaving much undone and to that I say, our bitterness abounds.  We disagree and we have hurt each for too long.  If we had made another decision, particularly around human sexuality, our decision would have been made out of bitterness.  I am hopeful and see the possibility for a decision made out of love as God calls people to the table for conversation.

For two weeks our theme has been “Therefore Go,” and so I return home loving the church and ready to transition back to leading a local church.  I am so excited and hope filled for all the possibilities.  I am energized and ready to do that to which I am called…to be a mama preacher.  After the hugs and kisses from my family, our first item on the agenda is to dance.  On Saturday, I will watch my girls make magic on the stage as they dance their hearts out and I will join them tap dancing with my adult friends to Uptown Funk.  This home seems far away from the Oregon Convention Center.  And thanks be to God that it is the home I call my own. 

 

Tears and Listening

I sat through morning worship with tears flowing from my eyes.  The voice in my head kept saying, “Get it together!”  Another voice said, “This is what you get for making fun of your mother EVERY Sunday at church when she cried.”  And another voice said, “My heart is broken.” 

My heart was broken in the midst of rumor and talk about splitting the denomination who has formed me from my birth and to which I am now called to serve and lead.  I love the United Methodist Church.  I love her people, her clergy, and her amazing ministry.  My heart is broken because we are broken.  And I was overwhelmed with tears which reminded me of words from Frederick Beuchner about tears. 

Whenever you find tears in your eyes, especially unexpected tears, it is well to pay the closest attention. They are not only telling you something about the secret of who you are but, more often than not, God is speaking to you through them of the mystery of where you have come from and is summoning you to where, if your soul is to be saved, you should go to next.

I shouldn’t count the tears as unexpected because tears are my heart language.  And as much as I resist it, they come easy and flow freely.  They are not a sign of weakness.  They are my heart and I do know that God speaks to me through my tears, so today I am listening for God’s voice.  And I trust that the bishops of the United Methodist Church are listening to God’s voice as they have been tasked with coming to the General Conference body with a direction forward.

As I listened for God’s voice, I heard “focus on where I am.”  In the local church, I used to begin worship with God sightings.  I invited people to share where they had seen God at work in the last week, so I chose to look for God today and here is where I found God:

•  Sitting in the bleachers with a group of clergy from our annual conference that are amazingly gifted, diverse and faithful
  

  
  

  

  #WNCC needs these clergy to survive

•  Holding a 5 month old baby as we heard protestors sing “Bind us Together”

Malachi Dayson

• Hearing stories of friends who have been giving out cards and meal tickets to our neighbors who live on the streets in Portland

• Watching delegations pray together, laugh together, and cry together

a delegation gathered to pray

• Talking to my girls on the phone and hearing them tell me they love me
• Catching up with friends from around the connection
• Sharing a meal with colleagues

God is speaking in the midst of the tears and I will continue to listen.

Hope Will Not Disappoint

The first day of General Conference was a big day for the youngest member of my family.  His name is Wyatt and he was undergoing the first of a three part surgical procedure to correct a congenital heart defect called HLHS.  Wyatt’s mom is my first cousin and I consider her to be a sister.   I checked my phone throughout the day for updates.  His 8 pound body endured a seven hour surgery, and due to the amount of swelling his chest cavity would remain open for several days.  It is now almost a week since surgery and he is doing very well.  He will remain at Levine Children’s Hospital for quite some time and will still have two future surgeries

Wyatt Church 5 days after surgery.

At opening worship, we were welcomed by a Kathryn Jones Harrison, a Native American woman indigenous to the area.  She shared that regardless of where we had come from our hearts beat the same.  At her invitation, I put my hand on my heart; as I did, I thought about Wyatt and all he was undergoing so that his heart could beat like mine.  Suddenly his precious life became a sign of hope for me.  In Wyatt’s brokenness, physical healing was happening.  Medical research has advanced to offer a procedure that helps children who lack the left side of their heart the opportunity for their heart to beat and life to be sustained. 

"All of our hearts beat the same."
 Kathryn Jones Harrison
Former Chair Grand Ronde Tribal Council

Our church is broken and in need of healing.  Our hearts are beating out of rhythm as a church.  Individually, they are beating just fine.  We are here because  our hearts beat love  of God and neighbor and yet our theological perspective, our biblical interpretation, and our own experiences divide us.  As United Methodists, we have gathered in Portland to listen, talk, and discern where God is calling us.  In the midst of our great diversity and we are called to stay focused on the mission of making disciples.  Paul reminds us in Romans 5: 3-5 about how to act in the midst of brokenness and suffering:

We rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out God’s love into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, whom God has given us.

Our call to rejoice is in direct correlation to having hope and hope is a result of God’s love being poured into our hearts.  Perhaps, our hearts beat the same because they have been filled to overflowing with God’s love through the power of the Holy Spirit.  This second week of General Conference begins on Pentecost Sunday where we remember that the church was birthed through the power of the spirit.  God poured God’s love into the hearts of people and their hearts were able to beat the same.  A unified beating of the heart gave life to the church around the world.  

                As I enter into this second week, I remember Wyatt and I KNOW that hope will not disappoint us.  We will disagree this week.  We will worship together this week.  We will speak our positions with conviction and boldness.  We will bow our heads in prayer and we will wipe tears from our eyes.  We will smile and we will laugh.  We will seek to be understood and we will try to understand.   And our hearts will beat the same, so we must have hope that as denomination our broken heart can be repaired.  After all, we are the church-- the living, breathing expression of God’s heartbeat for the world.  Hope will not disappoint us. 

Home Another Way

Liturgical Dancers at General Conference Worshup

Morning worship began with liturgical dancers carrying in the beautiful gold stars.  They helped to transform the space into an Epiphany themed service.  The text was the traditional Epiphany text about King Herod, the magi and baby Jesus that is found in Matthew 2: 1-12.  At first, it felt strange hearing these words out of liturgical context and singing “I Want to Walk as a Child of the Light” on the eve Pentecost.  Bishop Sudarshana Devadhar preached a message that encouraged delegates to stay connected to each other and to focus primarily on seeking God in Jesus Christ.  The Epiphany moment for me came when I realized that God can surprise us and speak to us anytime, even out of context 

As one who loves to preach, I am constantly listening to sermons trying to get ideas and direction.   As soon as Bishop Devadhar began, I knew how I would end the sermon if I was preaching it today.  My focus would be on verse 12: 

And being warned of God in a dream that they should not return to Herod, they departed into their own country another way.

Those of us in Portland have come from different places and contexts.  Our hearts and minds are filled with differing theological perspectives and different hopes and dreams for the future of the church.  What would a modern day Epiphany look like that transformed us all to return home another way?  I have to believe that out of all our differences we can find unity and that we really can and will choose love. 

I am already committed to return home another way.  Through the stories of young people who love the United Methodist Church, I have a renewed passion for cultivating the gifts and talents of the youngest among us and making sure that their life and voice are heard.  Often at the heart of their story is an adult who believed in them, included them, supported them, and encouraged them.  I am blessed to have had so many who believed, included, supported and encouraged me.  I will return home to be that kind of adult for the young people I know. 

Tomorrow is our Sabbath.  My prayer will be that God will stir in us all courage to return home another way.

A Great Day

Today is day 4 of General Conference for the United Methodist Church.  This mama preacher is away from home and experiencing my first glance at the workings of our worldwide denomination.  My 38 years of life have been formed by the teaching, preaching and loving of the United Methodist Church.  I love our denomination and am called to lead in its midst, so I feel honored to be here as a representative of my annual conference.  The last four days have been filled with powerful worship, seeing friends from the connection, and learning the workings of our denomination.

The worship space this morning.

Our Uber driver this morning, reminded me how to start a new day.  As I got in the car, I inquired how he was doing and he exclaimed that “it is going to be a great day!”  Feeling a little tired and perplexed by all I am seeing and hearing at General Conference, I needed that reminder.  Trying to legislate conversation yesterday made me frustrated and then hearing stories of different legislative committees made me doubtful that the denomination will move forward in 2016 and yet, “it is going to be a great day.” 

And then sitting in worship listening to Bishop Sally Dyck bring forth God’s word, I knew it was a great day.  Her prophetic message to “go learn mercy” challenged us to consider all the incompatibilities with Christian teaching and to respond with mercy.  Her challenge was almost directly followed by a young 14 year old girl who proclaimed God’s word with such conviction and grace as she shared about her efforts to build wells for those who have no access to clean water.  Her presence at General Conference proved it was a great day.  And just now,  as I am sitting as an observer to a Church and Society legislative committee, the time began with the committee singing “when the saints go marching In” and the gallery singing “when the gates go open wide, we will sit by Jesus side.”  It was a powerful movement of God’s spirit of unity and the wideness of God's grace.  It was a great day!  

At the heart of our resurrection faith is this call to a great day.  God is constantly at work to make things new, to transform frustration into resilience and to resurrect hope from a sea of doubt.  It is a great day!

You may wish to watch the powerful worship from this morning:


http://www.umc.org/who-we-are/gc2016-video-may-13-morning-worship-as-you-go-be-learning